Is this company real? Is this all some sort of joke?
Yes and yes. Despair, Inc., is very real; we’ve been demotivating people since we were founded in Dallas in 1998. We’re currently based in Austin, where we employ a small group of very bitter, depressed Texans.

Is Dr. Kersten real?
As real as despair itself.

What’s the deal with “disaffected college students”?
Yeah, what is the deal with them, anyway?

What happened to those Despair videos you used to have?
They’ll be coming back soon, better than ever. Keep checking back, or better yet, sign up for The Wailing List.

What’s The Wailing List?
The Wailing List is our email newsletter, where you’ll find out about exciting new products, sales, videos, and much more. It’s written by a hilariously neurotic marketing employee, and comes out about once a week. Sign up for the bitter, bitter laughs here! (Don’t worry, we won’t give your email address away to anybody.)

Are you hiring?
No. But we are firing rather frequently.

Do you offer an affiliate program? Let me rephrase. I want to make money by putting a link to your site on my blog about vegan acupuncturists, which attracts well over 5 readers a month. How can I make this happen?
We don’t have an affiliate program, but we do encourage you to tell your friends about us. Out of the goodness of your bitter little heart.

Do you have a print catalog?
We occasionally send print catalogs to prior customers.

How do I know you won’t sell my personal information to other companies?
We don't. Period. Not your name, your address, your phone number or email address. Who'd want our mailing list anyway? Eli Lilly? GET OVER YOURSELF.

I represent another company, and I'd be interested in buying your mailing list.

What's your price?
Let’s talk!

I want to put your images on my homepage without crediting you or acknowledging you in any way, so that I can do my small part to violate the copyrights of your photographers and whoever else might have a commercial interest in your intellectual property. How cool is that?
It is OK with us provided you promise to throw an online tantrum when we ask you politely to stop.

Previously on The Wailing List...

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