How long does it take to process an order? All orders are processed immediately. You will receive an order confirmation email with your order number as soon as your order is placed. In-stock orders ship within 1-2 business days. Build-Your-Own custom calendars have a 7 business day production time prior to shipping. Yes, even if you choose expedited shipping. You’ll receive a shipping confirmation email with tracking information once your order goes out. What about pre-order items? We occasionally sell items on a pre-order basis. Orders containing pre-order items are processed immediately. Estimated shipping dates for these orders are provided on the product page. We don’t ship incomplete orders, so if you order a pre-order item along with other in-stock items, your order will ship when all items are available. Can I cancel, or make changes to, my order? We process orders very quickly, so it’s not always possible to cancel or change your order; however, we are sometimes able to do it. To request a change or cancellation, please contact us through our customer service web form, using the “Contact” link on this page. Note that we cannot make changes to Build-Your-Own calendars once the order is placed. Do you charge sales tax? We’re legally obligated to collect sales tax for orders being shipped to the state of Texas. If you’re unfortunate enough to live in any of the other 49 states, then you won’t be assessed sales tax. Also, you probably can’t find decent chicken-fried steak. Sorry, loser! Do I have to use a credit or debit card to order with you? Do you take cash, checks or money orders? We only accept credit or debit cards as payment. We don’t take cash, checks or money orders. Is your site secure? Infinitely more so than our customers. (But seriously, yes, it is. We use SSL encryption, and we are CISP-compliant.) Do you offer gift wrapping? We do not currently offer gift wrapping. Which is probably for the best. Do your friends really deserve gifts? No. They do not. I’m ordering a gift anyway. Will it arrive with an invoice detailing pricing information? We don’t include invoices with any of our orders. Our orders do ship with packing slips, listing the billing and shipping addresses, and the list of the included items, but they do not contain any pricing or payment information.
Do you ship orders outside of the United States? How long does it take to arrive? We can ship orders to most countries. Our International Standard shipping takes 1-4 weeks to arrive and is not trackable. We also offer UPS Worldwide Expedited shipping to some destinations, which takes 2-5 business days, and is trackable. For faster, cheaper shipping, we recommend moving to the United States. Will I be charged a customs fee for my order? Can you mark my order as a “gift” so I don’t have to pay a customs fee? Orders shipped to some countries are subject to customs fees or import tariffs. We do not have any control over these, unfortunately. We recommend contacting your local post office or customs department to determine whether your order will be subject to these fees. We cannot mark shipments as “gifts.”
Which Demotivators® products are currently available? You can buy our Demotivators® as notecards, lithographs, adhesive vinyls, variety notecard packs, notecard 3-packs, variety postcard packs, mugs, and within Build-Your-Own custom calendars and annual wall calendars. Please check the Demotivators® main page to see which products are available for a given design. What’s the difference between a “Build Your Own” Calendar and an annual Wall Calendar? Build-Your-Own Calendars offer custom start months, 12-month or 16-month durations and your choice of Demotivators®. Wall Calendars are 12-month January-December calendars including the current year’s Demotivators® collection. I can’t find my favorite Demotivator® on the site! What happened to it? Some Demotivators® are retired if they prove to be less popular. We could make a snide comment about your taste, but then again, we did write it in the first place. Do you guys sell posters? Yes. We call them lithographs. They’re 24” by 30”. What’s the difference between a lithograph and a poster, really? The term "poster" tends to refer to cheaply-printed items using low-grade, lightweight paper stock. Our lithographs are printed on premium-grade, heavyweight paper stock. More concisely, though, the difference is about $6. I have an idea for a product that is perfect for you. How can I submit my idea? Because our writers are sensitive little flowers, and our lawyers are paranoid, joy-killing monsters, we do not accept ideas for products from third parties. But we do periodically sponsor Demotivators® caption contests -- join our Wailing List to be notified of all our contests, sales, and new items. Who writes Demotivators®? The majority of our Demotivators® quotes are original aphorisms, written by a motley assortment of depressive personalities in our product development group. A small number of designs use licensed or canonical quips which are well suited for inclusion in the Demotivators® collection. I saw a hilarious and/or offensive motivational poster parody on my friend’s Facebook page. How can I buy it and/or how dare you? If you don’t see that design in our store, it’s possible that it’s been retired. If the design you’re thinking of contains misspellings, poor-quality artwork, or is generally just awful, it’s probably not one of ours, but was rather created by some loser with too much time on his hands. How do I find out about cool new products? Sign up for our newsletter, The Wailing List, to be the first to know about new products, sales, and special offers. Do you sell screensavers? We do not sell screensavers, because it is not 1998.
Is this company real? Is this all some sort of joke? Yes and yes. Despair, Inc., is very real; we’ve been demotivating people since we were founded in Dallas in 1998. We’re currently based in Austin, where we employ a small group of very bitter, depressed Texans. Is Dr. Kersten real? As real as despair itself. What’s the deal with “disaffected college students”? Yeah, what is the deal with them, anyway? What happened to those Despair videos you used to have? They’ll be coming back soon, better than ever. Keep checking back, or better yet, sign up for The Wailing List. What’s The Wailing List? The Wailing List is our email newsletter, where you’ll find out about exciting new products, sales, videos, and much more. It’s written by a hilariously neurotic marketing employee, and comes out about once a week. Sign up for the bitter, bitter laughs here! (Don’t worry, we won’t give your email address away to anybody.) Are you hiring? No. But we are firing rather frequently. Do you offer an affiliate program? Let me rephrase. I want to make money by putting a link to your site on my blog about vegan acupuncturists, which attracts well over 5 readers a month. How can I make this happen? We don’t have an affiliate program, but we do encourage you to tell your friends about us. Out of the goodness of your bitter little heart. Do you have a print catalog? We occasionally send print catalogs to prior customers. How do I know you won’t sell my personal information to other companies? We don't. Period. Not your name, your address, your phone number or email address. Who'd want our mailing list anyway? Eli Lilly? GET OVER YOURSELF. I represent another company, and I'd be interested in buying your mailing list.
What's your price? Let’s talk! I want to put your images on my homepage without crediting you or acknowledging you in any way, so that I can do my small part to violate the copyrights of your photographers and whoever else might have a commercial interest in your intellectual property. How cool is that? It is OK with us provided you promise to throw an online tantrum when we ask you politely to stop.
How quickly will my order ship? ORDERS FOR IN-STOCK ITEMS usually ship in 1-2 business days. ORDERS THAT INCLUDE BUILD-YOUR-OWN CALENDARS usually ship in 7-10 business days. ORDERS THAT INCLUDE PRE-ORDER ITEMS will ship as soon as those items are in stock. Estimated ship dates for pre-order products are listed on the product page. How quickly are orders delivered after shipment? Once your order leaves our warehouse, the shipping method you select determines how quickly the order will arrive to your doorstep. DOMESTIC SHIPPING METHODS: Standard Shipping - Usually delivers within 5 business days of shipment. DHL MAX - Delivers within 3 business days of shipment. INTERNATIONAL SHIPPING METHODS International Standard - Usually delivers within 1 to 3 weeks. How can I check my order status? You may check your order status anytime using the Check Order Status link from your confirmation email. How much will the shipping and handling be on my order? Shipping fees vary based on the destination, delivery method, and the weight of your order. To find out what the cost of your order will be, add the items you’d like to purchase to your cart, and go to the order screen. Enter the shipping address, then choose a shipping method from the dropdown menu, and hit “Apply.” This will give you the shipping fee without having to actually place an order, or enter any payment information. Do you ship to military addresses? Absolutely. Just be sure to select “Standard Shipping” as the shipping method, and “United States” as the country.
Do you accept returns or exchanges? Yes. We accept returns or exchanges up to 30 days after you receive your order. To set up a return or exchange, please contact us through our customer service web form, using the “Contact” link on this page. Please note that shipping fees are not refundable.