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Consequences

A ship is safe in harbor but you just had to be a risk taker, didn't you?

Consistency

It's only a virtue if you're not a screwup.

Conspiracy

Never attribute to stupidity that which can be adequately explained by a pathological bloodlust for control.

Consulting

If you're not a part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem.

Corruption-Hand

I Either Want Less Corruption or More Opportunity to Participate in It.

Creativity

Helps artists die young, miserable, and penniless- so their art can have meaning to the old, satisfied, and obscenely rich.

Curiosity

Some places remain unknown because no one has ventured forth. Others remain so because no one has ever come back.

Customer Care

If we really cared for the customer, we'd send them somewhere better.

Customer Disservice

Because we're not satisfied until you're not satisfied

Dare to Be Different

Because there's always room for another annoying non-conformist like you in the unemployment line.

Dare to Slack

When birds fly in the right formation, they need only exert half the effort. Even in nature, teamwork results in collective laziness.

Dare to Soar

With enough hot air, even losers like you can fly.

Dedication

When the time comes for us to burn the candle at both ends, we’re grateful you’re here, being our candle.

Defeat

For every winner there are dozens of losers. Odds are you're one of them.

Demotivation

Sometimes the best solution to morale problems is just to fire all of the unhappy people.

Demotivators® Desktopper

Denial

I refuse to contort my reality to accommodate your total lack thereof.

Despair

It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black.

Despair Gift Cards

Destiny

You were meant for me. Perhaps as a punishment.

Destiny (Rock)

Even the most ambitious little pebble will never grow up to be a big rock.

Discouragement

You are the wind beneath my wings, otherwise known as turbulence.

Discouragement-Fish

Because there's nothing standing between you and your goal but a total lack of talent and complete failure of will.

Discovery

A company that will go to the ends of the Earth for its people will find it can hire them for about 10% of the cost of Americans.

Disgruntlement

When it costs too much to keep you gruntled.

Disloyalty

There comes a time when every team must learn to make individual sacrifices.

Disorganization

My life is complicated enough already without trying to introduce organization into it.

Sale

Disservice

It takes months to find a customer, but only seconds to lose one... The good news is that we should run out of them in no time.

Distinction

Looking sharp is easy when you haven't done any work.

Diversity

Because every person deserves an equal chance to prove their incompetence.

Do It Later

The early worm is for the birds.

Downsizing

Because we're all in this together but there's always room for one less.

Dream Small

It's your only hope for success, really.

Dreams

Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them.

Dysfunction

The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you.

Dysfunction-Government

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Government is how we implement those ideas at scale.

Dystopia

The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and now they’re bringing it right to my driveway and taxing me for it.

Sale

Earn Your Keep

Because a Friend in Need is a Friend I Don't Need.

Economics

The science of explaining tomorrow why the predictions you made yesterday didn't come true today.

Education

You can't put a price on a good education, but you can spend a small fortune to acquire skills that might help you earn a fraction of it back before technology obsolesces your knowledge set.

Effort

Hard work never killed anybody- but it is illegal in some places.

Effort-Bike

Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never fail.

Elitism

It's lonely at the top, but it's comforting to look down upon everyone at the bottom.

Errors

Failure is just the opportunity to begin again more intelligently, and if you're surrounded by screwups, you'll become an expert in it.

Excuses

If you keep asking others to give you the benefit of the doubt, they'll eventually start to doubt your benefit.

Execution

It's not just the ability to put a plan into action, it's our solution for those who lack that ability.

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