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Customer Care

If we really cared for the customer, we'd send them somewhere better.

Customer Disservice

Because we're not satisfied until you're not satisfied

Dare to Be Different

Because there's always room for another annoying non-conformist like you in the unemployment line.

Dare to Slack

When birds fly in the right formation, they need only exert half the effort. Even in nature, teamwork results in collective laziness.

Dare to Soar

With enough hot air, even losers like you can fly.

Defeat

For every winner there are dozens of losers. Odds are you're one of them.

Demotivation

Sometimes the best solution to morale problems is just to fire all of the unhappy people.

Demotivators® Desktopper

Despair

It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black.

Despair Gift Cards

Destiny

You were meant for me. Perhaps as a punishment.

Destiny (Rock)

Even the most ambitious little pebble will never grow up to be a big rock.

Discouragement

You are the wind beneath my wings, otherwise known as turbulence.

Discouragement-Fish

Because there's nothing standing between you and your goal but a total lack of talent and complete failure of will.

Discovery

A company that will go to the ends of the Earth for its people will find it can hire them for about 10% of the cost of Americans.

Disloyalty

There comes a time when every team must learn to make individual sacrifices.

Disservice

It takes months to find a customer, but only seconds to lose one... The good news is that we should run out of them in no time.

Distinction

Looking sharp is easy when you haven't done any work.

Diversity

Because every person deserves an equal chance to prove their incompetence.

Do It Later

The early worm is for the birds.

Downsizing

Because we're all in this together but there's always room for one less.

Dream Small

It's your only hope for success, really.

Dreams

Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them.

Dysfunction

The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you.

Earn Your Keep

Because a Friend in Need is a Friend I Don't Need.

Economics

The science of explaining tomorrow why the predictions you made yesterday didn't come true today.

Education

You can't put a price on a good education, but you can spend a small fortune to acquire skills that might help you earn a fraction of it back before technology obsolesces your knowledge set.

Effort

Hard work never killed anybody- but it is illegal in some places.

Effort-Bike

Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never fail.

Elitism

It's lonely at the top, but it's comforting to look down upon everyone at the bottom.

Errors

Failure is just the opportunity to begin again more intelligently, and if you're surrounded by screwups, you'll become an expert in it.

Excuses

If you keep asking others to give you the benefit of the doubt, they'll eventually start to doubt your benefit.

Execution

It's not just the ability to put a plan into action, it's our solution for those who lack that ability.

Expectations

Refuse to accept anything but the very best and you are never going to last around here.

Failure

When your best just isn't good enough.

Failure Is Not an Option

It's Your Destiny.

Fairness

By the Time Justice is Done, Injustice Has Usually Gotten Away with Everything it Wanted to.

Fear

Until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore, you will not know the terror of being forever lost at sea.

Flattery

If you want to get to the top, prepare to kiss a lot of the bottom.

Foresight

Those who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those busy proving them right.

Fragility

Inside every snowflake is a perfectly unique meltdown just waiting to happen.

Freedom

I may not agree with what you say, but I respect your right to be punished for it.

Friendship

A friend is just a stranger you haven't alienated yet.

Fulfillment

Choose a job you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life. We're sending those jobs elsewhere.

Futility

You'll always miss 100% of the shots you don't take, and, statistically speaking, 99% of the shots you do.

Get To Work

You aren't being paid to believe in the power of your dreams.

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