Products

When you've been through so much together, and most of it was their fault.

Water Isn't the Only Thing that Rolls Downhill.

Teamwork is the fuel that allows common people to achieve uncommon results, provided they don't mind you calling them "common people".

Retirement

Because you've given so much of yourself to the company that you don't have anything left we can use.

Revelation

The downside of being ahead of your time is that your ruins might end up a playground for cavorting druids.

Rightsizing

We're making our company just the right size by removing you from it.

Risk

Anyone can steer the ship when the seas are calm, but WRECKING a ship when the seas are calm? For that, you need a dumbass.

Risks

If you never try anything new, you'll miss out on many of life's great disappointments.

Risktaking

The pain you feel today will be the strength you feel tomorrow. Or you could die from it. It's hard to know with these things sometimes.

Romance

Love is in the air. And it's pooping on my head.

Ruthlessness

It pays a lot better than integrity.

Sacrifice

Your role may be thankless, but if you're willing to give it your all, you just might bring success to those who outlast you.

Sacrifice

All we ask here is that you give us your heart.

Sale

Sanity

Minds are like parachutes. Just because you've lost yours doesn't mean you can borrow mine.

Scapegoating

We blame ourselves for not blaming you sooner.

Security

Don't worry - your job is way too dehumanizing for us to ever ask a robot to do it.

Seize the Day

There's no better time than today for regretting yesterday and dreading tomorrow.

Self Esteem (pawn)

Just because you think you're a star doesn't mean you're going anywhere.

Self-Confidence

Save your bravado for social media - you’re here to get work done.

Self-Esteem

It takes genuine talent to see greatness in yourself despite your absence of genuine talent.

Sensitivity

Be advised - I failed the training.

Service

View all customers as beautiful buds that must be cultivated, watered, and periodically buried under manure.

Shoot for the Moon

Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. Of course, then your eyeballs will boil and your lungs explode from decompression. But that's what you get for being a damn showoff.

Sincerity

Our customers won't care how much we know until they know how much we care, so we've had to get really good at faking both.

Skepticism

Slackers

Forcing you to get the lead out because they don’t have any.

Sloth

Is my spirit animal.

Social Media

If the unexamined life is not worth living, it's certainly not worth broadcasting online 24 hours a day.

Social Media-Icon

We bring the people of the world together so you can watch them tear each other apart.

Solutions

This is what happens when problem solvers get paid by the hour.

Stress

Just look for me somewhere beyond the limits of human endurance.

Strife

As long as we have each other, we'll never run out of problems.

Stubbornness

Because somebody has to be right and it might as well be me.

Stupidity

Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.

Stupidity-Sea Lion

It's difficult to comprehend how idiotic other can be. Especially when you're an idiot.

Success

If you wake up early, work hard, and never give up, your dreams can come true if you're born rich.

Success-Canoe

Success is a journey, but you failed to depart.

Survival

The less you stand out, the longer you'll last.

Survival

Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. Especially to your friends.

Survival-Shark

One life's journey is another's destination.

Synergy

A code word lazy people use when they want you to do all the work.

Tasks

By Doing Just a Little Bit Every Day, You Can Gradually Let the Job Completely Overwhelm You.

Taxes

You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find you can get what you need taken from you by the government.

Team Building

Sometimes, the most important lesson you can learn is that you're not a very good team.

Teams

Together, we can do the work of one.

Teamwork

A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.

Sale

Teamwork Baton

Ensuring that your hard work can always be ruined by someone else's incompetence.

The Art of Demotivation - MBA Edition

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