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Love is in the air. And it's pooping on my head.

It pays a lot better than integrity.

Your role may be thankless, but if you're willing to give it your all, you just might bring success to those who outlast you.

Sacrifice

All we ask here is that you give us your heart.

Sanity

Minds are like parachutes. Just because you've lost yours doesn't mean you can borrow mine.

Security

Don't worry - your job is way too dehumanizing for us to ever ask a robot to do it.

Seize the Day

There's no better time than today for regretting yesterday and dreading tomorrow.

Self Esteem (pawn)

Just because you think you're a star doesn't mean you're going anywhere.

Self-Confidence

Save your bravado for social media - you’re here to get work done.

Self-Esteem

It takes genuine talent to see greatness in yourself despite your absence of genuine talent.

Sensitivity

Be advised - I failed the training.

Service

View all customers as beautiful buds that must be cultivated, watered, and periodically buried under manure.

Shoot for the Moon

Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. Of course, then your eyeballs will boil and your lungs explode from decompression. But that's what you get for being a damn showoff.

Sincerity

Our customers won't care how much we know until they know how much we care, so we've had to get really good at faking both.

Skepticism

Slackers

Forcing you to get the lead out because they don’t have any.

Sloth

Is my spirit animal.

Social Media

If the unexamined life is not worth living, it's certainly not worth broadcasting online 24 hours a day.

Social Media-Icon

We bring the people of the world together so you can watch them tear each other apart.

Solutions

This is what happens when problem solvers get paid by the hour.

Stress

Just look for me somewhere beyond the limits of human endurance.

Strife

As long as we have each other, we'll never run out of problems.

Stubbornness

Because somebody has to be right and it might as well be me.

Stupidity

Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.

Stupidity-Sea Lion

It's difficult to comprehend how idiotic other can be. Especially when you're an idiot.

Success

If you wake up early, work hard, and never give up, your dreams can come true if you're born rich.

Survival

The less you stand out, the longer you'll last.

Survival

Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. Especially to your friends.

Survival-Shark

One life's journey is another's destination.

Synergy

A code word lazy people use when they want you to do all the work.

Tasks

By Doing Just a Little Bit Every Day, You Can Gradually Let the Job Completely Overwhelm You.

Taxes

You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find you can get what you need taken from you by the government.

Team Building

Sometimes, the most important lesson you can learn is that you're not a very good team.

Teams

Together, we can do the work of one.

Teamwork

A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.

Teamwork Baton

Ensuring that your hard work can always be ruined by someone else's incompetence.

The Art of Demotivation - MBA Edition

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood. And Robert Frost took the one less traveled. Of course, he also heckled his rivals and started fires to disrupt their poetry readings. But that makes for a terrible motivational poster. Unless you're a petty pyromaniac. In which case, here you go.

The Secret of Success

What is the Secret? Pretend you've already achieved it. Then offer to sell the secret to others.

The Sky is the Limit

Too Bad You Can't Fly.

Tolerance

Tradition

Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid.

Tranquility

As long as there are children in the world, there will never be any real peace.

Trouble

Luck can't last a lifetime unless you die young.

Underachievement

The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the lawnmower.

Underachievement

Because soaring with the eagles requires so much more effort.

Unreliability

Failure is simply an opportunity to begin again, next time some place else, where they like to hire losers.

Values

You wouldn't believe how little we spent on a poster to show how much you're worth.

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