Retired

MOTIVATIONAL PRODUCTS DON'T WORK. BUT OUR DEMOTIVATOR® PRODUCTS DON'T WORK EVEN BETTER.

When we started Despair, we had a dream. To crush other people's dreams. But we knew, given our goal, we'd be in for a fight. After all, the Motivation Industry has been crushing dreams for decades, selling the easy lie of success you can buy. That's why we decided to differentiate ourselves- by crushing dreams with hard truths!

Flattery

If you want to get to the top, prepare to kiss a lot of the bottom.

Freedom

I may not agree with what you say, but I respect your right to be punished for it.

Friendship

A friend is just a stranger you haven't alienated yet.

Fulfillment

Choose a job you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life. We're sending those jobs elsewhere.

Futility

You'll always miss 100% of the shots you don't take, and, statistically speaking, 99% of the shots you do.

Goals

It's best to avoid standing directly between a competitive jerk and his goals.

Hazards

There is an island of opportunity in the middle of every difficulty. Miss that, though, and you're pretty much doomed.

Humiliation

The harder you try the dumber you look.

Hypocrisy

Because what might be right for you should not be right for some.

Ignorance

It's amazing how much easier it is for a team to work together when no one has any idea where they're going.

Illusions

He who chases rainbows may eventually catch tornadoes.

Incompetence

When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there's no end to what you can't do.

Indecision

The mark of the leader is the ability to make decisions. The mark of the survivor is knowing when not to.

Individuality

Always remember that you are unique. Just like everybody else.

Ineptitude

If you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly.

Inflation

Because the easiest way to steal your wealth is by cheapening your money.

Innovation

If it can make your job easier, it can probably make it irrelevant.

Insanity

It's difficult to comprehend how insane some people can be. Especially when you're insane.

Insight

When the going gets tough, the tough get going. The smart left a long time ago.

Inspiration

Genius is 1 percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration, which is why engineers sometimes smell really bad.

Laziness

Success is a journey, not a destination, so stop running.

Leaders

Leaders are like eagles. We don't have either of them here.

Liberty

The price of freedom keeps going up, but the quality keeps deteriorating.

Loneliness

If you find yourself struggling with loneliness, you're not alone. And yet you are alone. So very alone.

Losing

If at first you don't succeed, losing may be your style.

Maturity

If you're tired of others looking down on you, grow the hell up.

Mercy

Teach every child you meet the importance of forgiveness. It's our only hope of surviving their wrath once they realize just how badly we've screwed things up for them.

Misfortune

While good fortune often eludes you, this kind never misses.

Nepotism

We promote family values here- almost as often as we promote family members.

Obstacles

Some things can not be overcome with determination and a positive attitude.

Opportunity

I am Dr. Adewole Aremu- a director with the Union Bank of Nigeria in Lagos- and I wish to speak to you most urgently about a matter regarding the sum of $39,000,000 US Dollars...

Overconfidence

Before you attempt to beat the odds, be sure you could survive the odds beating you.

Pain

Pain is just weakness leaving the body. Sometimes your spirit tags along with it.

Persistence

It's over, man. Let her go.

Perspective

Less is more. Unless you're standing next to the one with more. Then less just looks pathetic.

Pessimism

Every dark cloud has a silver lining, but lightning kills hundreds of people each year who are trying to find it.

Planning

Much work remains to be done before we can announce our total failure to make any progress.

Platitudes

Those who do not learn from cliches are destined to repeat them.

Positivity

If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. And put your face between 'em when you do. You'll save me a lot of trouble. Thanks.

Possibilities

With focus, dedication and steroids, men can achieve impossible dreams. Like breaking a world record. Or growing their own breasts.

Preservation

Action will be taken to prevent the next disaster as soon as possible after it has occurred.

Pressure

It can turn a lump of coal into a flawless diamond, or an average person into a perfect basketcase.

Pretension

The downside of being better than everyone else is that people tend to assume you're pretentious.

Pride

The art of calling faith in yourself "self-esteem" while calling it "conceit" when you see it in others.

Problems

No matter how great and destructive your problems may seem now, remember, you've probably only seen the tip of them.

Propaganda

What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies right to our faces.

Recognition

The more you reward the most trivial of achievements, the more you produce the most trivial of people.

Recognition-Snow

Having your moment in the sun isn't always a good thing.

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Retired

MOTIVATIONAL PRODUCTS DON'T WORK. BUT OUR DEMOTIVATOR® PRODUCTS DON'T WORK EVEN BETTER.

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