Demotivators

MOTIVATIONAL PRODUCTS DON'T WORK. BUT OUR DEMOTIVATOR® PRODUCTS DON'T WORK EVEN BETTER.

When we started Despair, we had a dream. To crush other people's dreams. But we knew, given our goal, we'd be in for a fight. After all, the Motivation Industry has been crushing dreams for decades, selling the easy lie of success you can buy. That's why we decided to differentiate ourselves- by crushing dreams with hard truths!

Dare to Soar

With enough hot air, even losers like you can fly.

Downsizing

Because we're all in this together but there's always room for one less.

Interns

The experience we're giving you is invaluable. That's why we're not paying you anything.

Mediocrity-Penguins

Just because we accept you as you are doesn't mean we've abandoned hope you'll improve.

Micromanagement

A job worth doing is worth doing right over your shoulder by your boss.

Progress

Just made you irrelevant.

Teams

Together, we can do the work of one.

Motivation

If a pretty poster and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots will be doing soon.

Tradition

Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid.

Multitasking

The art of doing twice as much as you should half as well as you could.

Get To Work

You aren't being paid to believe in the power of your dreams.

Shoot for the Moon

Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. Of course, then your eyeballs will boil and your lungs explode from decompression. But that's what you get for being a damn showoff.

Procrastination

Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now.

Knowledge

I believe that children are our future. And that terrifies me.

Ambition

The journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly.

Potential

Not everyone gets to be an astronaut when they grow up.

Achievement

You can do anything you set your mind to when you have vision, determination, and an endless supply of expendable labor.

Believe in Yourself

Because the rest of us think you're an idiot.

Meetings

None of us is as dumb as all of us.

Perseverance

The courage to ignore the obvious wisdom of turning back.

Consulting

If you're not a part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem.

Idiocy

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Priorities

Hundreds of years from now, it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove... But the world may be different because I did something so bafflingly crazy that my ruins become a tourist attraction.

Limitations

Until you spread your wings, you'll have no idea how far you can walk.

Foresight

Those who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those busy proving them right.

Consistency

It's only a virtue if you're not a screwup.

Winners

Because nothing says "you're a loser" more than owning a motivational poster about being a winner.

Underachievement

Because soaring with the eagles requires so much more effort.

Execution

It's not just the ability to put a plan into action, it's our solution for those who lack that ability.

Retirement

Because you've given so much of yourself to the company that you don't have anything left we can use.

Sacrifice

All we ask here is that you give us your heart.

Sanity

Minds are like parachutes. Just because you've lost yours doesn't mean you can borrow mine.

Teamwork

A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.

Mistakes

It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.

Hope

May not be warranted at this point.

Challenges

I expected times like this - but never thought they'd be so bad, so long, and so frequent.

Irresponsibility

No single raindrop believes it is to blame for the flood.

Government

If you think the problems we create are bad, just wait until you see our solutions.

Legacy

It took millions of years to create something this extraordinary. You have about seventy-four.

Give Up

At some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser.

Mediocrity

It takes a lot less time and most people won't notice the difference until it's too late.

Aspiration

I hear the call to do nothing and am doing my best to answer it.

Wishes

When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's really a meteorite hurtling to the Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.

Competence

If You Can't Learn to Do it Well, At Least Learn to Enjoy Doing it Badly.

Distinction

Looking sharp is easy when you haven't done any work.

Dream Small

It's your only hope for success, really.

Worth

Just because you're necessary doesn't mean you're important.

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Demotivators

MOTIVATIONAL PRODUCTS DON'T WORK. BUT OUR DEMOTIVATOR® PRODUCTS DON'T WORK EVEN BETTER.

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